2011 Reflections

Welp, this year is over.  That went by quick.  Every year, I feel like I say, “It just gets better from here,” only to look back and wonder if it actually did.  This has been one of the most frustrating years of my life.  An emotional roller coaster riddled with extreme highs and lows, sprinkled with times that I don’t like to remember but won’t ever forget.  “I never thought I’d be here” is an applicable phrase at both ends of the spectrum.  Five years ago, I said I’d be working in a reputable company with a respectable income, saving money to buy property and thinking about settling down.  5 months ago, I was sitting on a folding chair in the back of a 90 degree warehouse, and everyone I’ve ever corresponded with regarding work-related material has known me as “Terry.”  I’m scraping by to pay for a studio apartment and I’m as single as a dollar bill.  I feel like I should be having the time of my life, and right now, I feel like it’s just a time.

Every year shapes and molds me into the person I hope to become in one way or another.  The positives and the negatives don’t make me who I am; the way I interpret them do.  For the past 26 years of my life, I’ve been trying to piece together a puzzle, but I’ve never actually seen the picture on the top of the puzzle box.  I’m feel like I’m at the turning point where I know I’m working on a puzzle of an ocean, but every freakin piece I pick up is blue.

As much as I bitch and moan, this year has had some great milestones and accomplishments.  I’m living on my own, working a job that has taught me skills to start a career.  I’m a small business owner.  I am blessed to have been born into a great family, and that feeling is irreplaceable.  And close friends have proven, more through their actions than their words, that they themselves are embedded in my life as irreplaceable family members.

The end of the year is a time for reflection, and I’d be an absolute moron if I said that this year didn’t provide some powerful realizations into the person I am and the person I want to be.  And each cynical analysis is countered by a friend saying, “It’ll all work out.  Here…have a beer…”  Every time I got frustrated and threw some puzzle pieces on the ground, a friend would pick them up and start working on it with me.

2011 was a gigantic lesson in trust and patience.  And I don’t know if I’ll ever see the finished product, but I’m ready to put in some work in 2012.

Thanks for reading.  I love you.

– Terry’s Puzzle


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