I don’t get why gangsters and mobsters keep records of every bad cop, judge, or government official they’ve paid off on one CD or in one book. They always find it. Diversify your evidence, you dummies…
There’s a lot of things I don’t get. That’s pretty much what this entire “Personal Blog” is about. It’s wading through thoughts and actions that I don’t understand on a soapbox of whininess via an online web journal.
I don’t know why I do things sometimes. Like I’ll try to do something to maximize my efforts, but it’ll take me twice as long to do some simple task. For instance, I decided to clean my kitchen one day and I have a Swiffer Sweeper with wet clothes. But they dried up, and I knew that before I even decided to try and use them. However, I was too cheap to buy new ones because I figured I could still use the old ones. I would just pour some water on the floor, and they’d be fine. Well, I was like a 7-year-old with ADD and ended up basically soaking the kitchen floor. So now this 30-second job has turned into a 10-minute disaster which requires me to use half a roll of paper towels and 2 dish towels. And those shitty little Swiffers didn’t even clean the floor. What a waste…
I don’t know what happened to me. I used to be a nice, innocent little boy. I was trusting and loving and roses and rainbows. I never cussed or drank or said inappropriate things or called inanimate objects “shitty” even though it was my fault to begin with. Now, I do all of those things. Maybe the person I am now is who I was always going to be, and the person before me was just a facade, naive to what the real world was actually like. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be that person again, even if I wanted to. As hard as I try, there’s a devious little monster in me that’s been jaded by all the hangovers and the heartbreaks. Maybe life just happened.
But I’ve realized that there’s a big difference between a behavior and an incident. For me, the act of stupidity of trying to clean the kitchen was an incident (Please, no comments. Let me live in my bubble where I think I’m smart). An incident is a one-time occurrence that can overshadow a dominant behavior. The important thing is being able to differentiate between the two. A good guy can mess up, but that doesn’t make him a bad person. It doesn’t take a good person to do something good. But it’s in a good person’s nature to do good things. Even a murderer can buy his mom flowers on Mothers’ Day. But that’s just like people doing bad things. Just because someone does something bad doesn’t make them a bad person. It’s just an incident that needs to be addressed and corrected. And that’s where the hard part is: discerning which is which. A lot of people focus on the incidents and make good guys out to be bad guys and bad guys out to be good. But differentiating between the two will ultimately decide whether a majority of the time with that person is spent laughing or crying.
If you can’t take responsibility for the things you’ve done wrong, then you shouldn’t be able to take responsibility for things that you do right.
It’s always so horrible when people’s past actions affect you in a negative way. I’ve heard so many people say “I’m just thinking about giving up altogether. I’ve been burned too many times.” How terrible is it to be tainted by things that happened in the past from people who fucked you over. It’s a shitty way to live your life knowing that some asshole sucked the joy out of you forever. Why would you change anything about yourself because of a bad person’s behavior towards you? Maybe because people take responsibility for some of the blame, knowing that they partially did it to themselves. But when it comes down to it, everyone will start out being nice before you find out who they actually are, and soon, you’ll come to realize that one of those people has more love for you than you do for yourself. You just need to wade through a bunch of crap first. But you will never find them unless you allow yourself to give them a chance.
And then there are just flat out bitches with beacons that you can see from across the room. Sound the sirens, we’ve got ourselves a Level 1 D-Bag…
That’s the thing about incidents and behaviors. There’s only so many times you can say, “This is the last time.” You have to make sure that you don’t get caught up in what you can give to them, but also think about what they can also give you in return. Selfless love is beyond admirable, but it can’t come at the risk of your own happiness. Just make sure that person doesn’t ruin it for the knight in shining armor you need. Chivalry isn’t dead, you just have to put your faith in the fact that a knight will eventually come. But you’ll never find them if you let a thief run away with your heart.
It’s funny how you can be the best person for someone, but to them, you’re the worst. Maybe it’s best that you’re the worst. Just lump them in with the Swiffers.
Thanks for reading.
-The 10-Minute Mopper