Bar Bracketology

We’re at the tail-end of March Madness, and for those not obsessed with sports, currently attending college, or are generally out of the loop, it means that we’re down to the Final Four college basketball teams playing for a National Title and the honor of being named the best college basketball team of 2012.  The knockout tournament starts off with 68 teams, and the selection process is a combination of overall record and strength of schedule.  Teams are then seeded (1 through 16 where 1 is the best: 16 plays the 1 seed, 15 plays the 2 seed, etc) and put into one of four divisions, and then we begin the wild ride of upsets, camaraderie and internal joy that you never thought you could feel for a group of young 20-somethings you’ve never met but feel like you know.  According to Wikipedia, Bracketology is the process of predicting the field of the NCAA Basketball Tournament, named as such because it is commonly used to fill in tournament brackets for the postseason.  But the concept has been applied to other areas aside from basketball.  And this is one of them…

I’m pretty sure that every guy, at least during one point in their life, has played the “Rating Game.”  Guys, by nature, are attracted to pretty things.  And in their mind, they’ll judge everything immediately by the way it looks.  I’m not saying that girls don’t do this as well.  But when it comes to the opposite sex, guys make quick judgements on whether or not they find a girl sexually attractive, and often rate her on an internal number scale of 1 through 10 (10 being the most physically attractive to 1 being the least).  This is based on a lot of different things that guys find attractive, and this number changes once other factors come into play.  Here’s is an example of the internal judgement based on other factors:

Man this beer is really hitting the sp…whoa.  Brunette in red dress. 8
Thin frame, nice lips, tattoo?  Maybe but can’t be sure8.5
Little heavy on the eye shadow.  Is something wrong with her eyes?  I think they might be a little close together.  The makeup isn’t helping8
Go and talk to her.  Wait, wait…down this beer first.  It’ll help with your awkwardness and give you an excuse to invite her to the bar to get another drink with you.
O that is a tattoo…Of a huge rose…7.5
If her name is Rose, I’m outta here.
Her name is Rose…7
O well…it doesn’t make her not good looking.  Not enough to get outta here yet.
Good Lord she has an abnormally deep man-voice for a girl, that’s kinda weird.  7.5
I can smell cigarettes on her breath.  6
She’s weird.  Get outta there with her number. 
Oh she doesn’t have a cell phone, just an email address she checks at coffee shops…5
Got her email address…

This was probably way too dramatic.  Anyways, most guys only make the initial judgement and it’s usually within 5 seconds.  But I’m here to introduce Bar Bracketology to all of my single guy friends.

The 1-to-10 scale is really outdated and ultimately, not sophisticated enough to handle all of the complex factors that go into rating physical appearance.  That’s why I’ve adopted Bar Bracketology, where you now rate looks on a 1-to-16 scale, where 16 is the least attractive to 1 being the most.  The rating scale is based on personal preference, but also on strength of schedule/competition within the place you’re at.

The thing that makes the March Madness so fun is not only cheering on your team, but predicting upsets.  If you have some time and are a stats nerd, read this dude’s article.

An underdog can often beat a favorite depending on their match-up and how well they perform that night.  It’s not uncommon that a team with a 12 seed can upset a 5 seed.  This is also applicable to Bar Bracketology.  Let’s take Rose, for example.  Rose for sure makes the tournament.  After hearing my description of her (insert pause for comedic effect), I’d probably rate her like a 6 or 7 seed.  This means she could easily be upset by an 11 or 10 seed, or, in other words, someone who may be less my type physically, but other factors, like not a giant tattoo, smoking habit, or just generally giving off the vibe that she’s a vagrant, could easily beat a Rose and I wouldn’t be completely shocked.

The more you know about how Bracketology works, the more you’ll see how truly comprehensive, effective and superior Bar Bracketology is over all other rating systems.  Do some research if you’re unfamiliar, and then test it out.  Let me know if you had a good time filling out your bracket…

Thanks for reading.



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