Bring Back The Gold

I’ve been obsessed with the Olympics.  I don’t know what it is.  It’s just sucking me in.  The fact that, night after night, I get to watch the greatest athletes from all over the world compete in these ridiculous games that I could never do, amazes me.  I think what’s the craziest is the age of some of these competitors.  Especially those little Asians.  16?  I remember when I was 16.  I was hoping to get my driver’s license, trying to get out of high school, and starting QB at a school of 300.  And I thought I was athletic?  hahahaha

Come on, Deng…no way you’re 16

I know what 16-year-olds look like, and you’re not 16.  (must in case you weren’t following, she’s the one in the red, standing next to the one who looks like Elijah Wood)

I was watching the Chinese gymnasts and the announcer said that these girls are taken at the age of 3 to train like professionals and get to talk to their parents maybe once a year.  The leader of the Chinese team called her parents one year telling them she wanted to come home, and they told her no.  Now she’s competing in the Olympics, representing her country.  Is that a success story, or a scary one?

Miley Cyrus agreed to take pictures for Vanity Fair.  The photos are a little “risque” and there’s a ton of backlash.  After saying she was ok with the photo, she comes out and says that she’s embarrassed of the pics

“I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed”

“I think I was just in a stage where I was just trying to get things done, and maybe look for an older audience”

What kind of age were you looking to draw attention from?  I guess she got her attention…

Whatever.  She’s just 15.  It’s not like she’s representing her country in front of the rest of the world.  I remember when I was 15.  Different lives, man…

Someone please tell me how this looks good.  A close comparison?

 She reminds of the girl from “The Ring”

Maybe this whole “I should use more pictures” thing was a bad idea.

You know what I don’t get?  Why Michael Phelps is so much better than the rest of the world in swimming competitions.  How does that happen?  How are you such a freak in the water?  You weirdo.  I heard his dad was a dolphin.  I heard he was thrown the a pool when he was 2.  I heard he trains with the animals at Sea World.  Just trying to get that rumor mill going…

Something I realized is how uncomfortable and awkward it is when gymnasts from other countries celebrate with each other after their routines.  High fives and hugs.  It just looks like they do it because other people do it, not because it’s really comfortable to do.  Now America on the other hand.  We love celebrating.  We’ll high five all of our members, we’ll put up that index finger showing that we’re number 1.  I’m sure if they let us go into the stands, we’d give them high fives.  We are not afraid to celebrate, and show how dominant we are, even if we are only trying to get the bronze.

I’ve realized that we are ok with being….ok.  There’s a reason why the Chinese win these technical events.  They work for perfection, and don’t settle with anything less.  I’m sure they’d win more events if they were more physically equipped for it.  When was the last time you saw a Chinese guy win a 100m dash?  haha.  They just aren’t physically built for that kind of stuff.  But when was the last time the Chinese didn’t win a diving event?  I can’t remember the last time I saw a group of individuals dominate the competition like the Chinese gymnasts, both male and female.  Except for Michael Phelps.  And the 1996 Dream Team.

Speaking of the Dream Team, if you get a chance you should read Charles Barkley’s book “I May Be Wrong, But I Doubt It”.  O Charles, you kill me.

Another thing I realized, is that fart jokes are funny.  So are poop jokes.  Now a poop joke, with a fart reference in it….Priceless

I was sitting in line for a car wash, and there was sign describing what you should do before you enter the car wash.  The first instruction was to turn off your radio and lower your antenna.  I turned off the radio, which lowers my antenna.  Check.  The second instruction said to turn in your side mirrors so nothing happens to them.  But then in smaller writing, it said only if I had a big truck that had big side mirrors.  Ok, I guess that doesn’t apply to me.  The third part read, No Loose Parts.  But the connecting line in the “P” was erased.  So it read.

No Loose Farts.

Let’s hear it for funny vandalism…So what did we cover in this post?  15 year old girls and fart jokes.


Another great nugget of knowledge from the mind of a bored 22 year old.

Do you think doing 20 calf raises will burn off the calories from a handful of Ruffles?

Probably not

Thanks as always,

– A Converted Phelps Phan


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