This blog is dedicated to people who don’t know it, and did something very small (whether it be a comment or a conversation) that taught me to look at things a little differently. Thank you, anonymous donors S, T and D.
Great…that arrangement worked out well.
There are two truths that I’ve learned this past week:
1). There’s only so many times that you can say “I can wear this again…”
2). Gardeners always work closest to your window when you’re hungover.
Both of these statements make me sound like a gross person. Like someone that just gets drunk on weekdays and isn’t fond of $2.50 laundry. And while these realizations are spurred by actual events, I hope that there is one rule I’ll never break.
I hope there is never a time in my life when I disobey the “No Scavenging” sign posted on dumpsters.
I can’t imagine being in a position where I am doing that, unless I threw away something valuable. But to do it as a part of of my daily life, I couldn’t imagine that. I think there are too many people in my life that care about me to ever let me get to that point. I can’t say that I’m ballin, but I’m definitely not strapped for cash. I have a comfortable place to sleep and can afford to feed myself. I have to make small decisions everyday and one of them is not “which dumpster do I hit next?” Shopping is a luxury and is truly a privilege that I’m able to do it. You have to have a totally different mindset when you are dumpster diving. I was at Target the other day and I saw a guy standing in front of the kitchen section, staring at cutting boards for like 5 minutes. Fucking cutting boards! Do you know how easy your life is if you have to think for 5 minutes about what cutting board to buy? What would this guy do if his life involved gathering goodies out of a garbage bin?
Do you know how weird it is to watch a guy for 5 minutes who is looking at cutting boards? I do…
Life is one big gamble. But you have to look at it as something to gain, not something to lose. It’s like a game of craps. It’s not playing against everyone. You’re playing with everyone, making the best calculated moves, betting on the success of others and yourself. Sometimes you make good decisions and sometimes you don’t.
This is a frustrating time for me, and that’s just how it is. But focusing on how shitty it is doesn’t make it any better (I apologize for the amount of curse words in here. Please excuse my substitution of emphatic and articulate words with vulgarity). Unbeknownst to a couple of friends, they helped me understand that. There’s so much to live for and so much left to do. Thinking about where you aren’t doesn’t get you anywhere closer to where you need to be. You’ll only be as good as the opportunity you allow yourself the chance to fail at.
And the same goes for relationships. Sometimes, those things just don’t work out, and you’re left alone, not with some poetic, “where did we go wrong?” It’s more of a pronounced and very literal “what the fuck happened?” You made an attempt at something more than what it was ever meant to be. Maybe you just grew apart, or never grew at all. And it failed and it sucks. But that’s ok.
I’m operate under the heavily used and scrutinized phrase, “everything happens for a reason.” That’s good that it didn’t work out. At least you know it wasn’t supposed to. Yea, it hurts, but if you don’t learn from it, it’ll hurt even more. Regrets are merely memories seen from a pessimistic perspective.
The joy of a hot shower on a cold day would never be possible had it not been for that cold day.
So shower up, and embrace the hurt. It’ll wash away that hangover.
Thanks for reading
-The Dirty Dumpster Drunk