My Life Is In The Shop

A couple of months back, I had to get an oil change and get my check engine light checked out.  My car was also having trouble starting, even after the first place I went to claimed they had solved the problem.  So they referred me to a place and I showed up one early Saturday morning, feeling the effects of a nasty hang over.  I gave the guy behind the counter my keys and he said it’d take a few minutes to figure out what was wrong with the car, so I could wait in the lobby if I liked.  After about 30 minutes of flipping between Saturday morning cartoons and a repeat of the Tyra Banks show, the guy behind the counter comes out from behind the counter to deliver the news.  Looks like I need a new ignition switch and two new 02 sensors.  That’ll set me back about $877 and change.  Fantastic.

I get up to make a few calls to a couple of friends to see if they think the price is good, but it’s a little before 10am on a Saturday morning.  That means nobody is thinking about getting up yet.  I feel as if death is upon me.  My wallet is about to be emptied, and it feels like my stomach is too.  So now what?  Do I spend all this money to fix my crappy car, or do I just say, “eh, I’ll just stick it out until I can afford a new one.”  Then I started thinking about when I could afford a new one.  Better take this one in the chops and hope it gets me through the next couple of years.

I VERY reluctantly tell the man, who’s back behind the counter now, that I’m going to go through with it.  Of course he says I’m making the right decision.  It’d better be the right decision, buddy, cause I’m spending way more than I have to fix this car that is all jacked up.  For a brief moment, I hate the man behind the counter.  He seriously angers me.  You’re taking all my money, homeslice, and if this isn’t fixed, I’m gonna come back and burn this mother down.  Talk about making good decisions…

I didn’t actually say any of that stuff to him, but I secretly thought it.  So now I’m confined to the little lobby while I wait for one of my friends to hopefully pick up so they can come give me a ride.  On top of that, my phone’s dying so now it’s a game of what happens first: someone calls me back or my phone dies.  While I’m waiting for my phone or friend to make a move, another older gentleman comes in and is warmly greeted by the man behind the counter.

“Hey there, how ya doing today?”

And I’ll never forget the answer that the old man gave back to the man behind the counter.  He looked down at the ground as he moved closer to the counter, looked up with a big smile on his face, fixed his glasses and reached out to shake the man’s hand, saying, “Everyday I’m good.”

I love old people.  I mean, old people with positive attitudes.  My love for the elderly is conditional.  Haha.  I don’t love grouchy old people.  I don’t even like them.  But there is something about happy old people that make me smile.  I always tell myself that one day, when I get older, that’ll be me.  A happy old man making his grandkids laugh.  I figure, at that age, why be grumpy.  I’ve lived my life, and the last thing I can give to the world as an old man is a few smiles.

Meanwhile, back at the mechanic…

I realized that the expense to fix the car really isn’t that bad.  Yea, it’s more money than I want to spend, but that car enhances my life.  I use it to get to and from work and play.  There are very few days that I don’t drive my car, and ultimately, it’s been good to me.  I’ve had problems with it, but it gets me where I need to be going and I’m happy with it.  A lot of people don’t have cars.  I am fortunate enough to not only have one, but to be able to spend money on maintaining one.  That man was saying that everyday he’s alive, it’s better than the alternative.  There’s no major reason why it should not be.  Yea, horrible stuff can happen in one day, but in my case, if I’m alive, then it can’t be worse than if I’m dead.

Here’s a thought.  Why do you drop the “ain” in maintain when you spell maintenance.  Who’s idea was that?  The English language is so weird…

Also, just a reminder (because I know I’ve touched on this before), jokes are funnier when they’re treated as hypothetical questions, not riddles.  No one likes it when you ask a joke and someone tries to guess it.  First off, it kills the timing of the joke.  Secondly, if the person can guess it, it probably wasn’t that funny.  Also, when someone guesses it, no one laughes.  People just smile.  Mostly because they want to laugh, but it’s not funny, because the guesser just killed the joke.  Don’t be a joke killer.  If someone asks you if you want to hear a joke, be prepared to just say “what” and get ready to laugh or insult, depending on the hilarity of the joke.

Also, it’s hilarious, not halarious.  Thanks for correcting me, Google.

Speaking about being old, I just had a 23 birthday last week, and realized that time is speeding up.  I realized that one day, I’m going to be 40, and all of the girls that I find attractive now, I can still find attractive; it’ll just be really creepy.  People will get prettier and I’ll get older.  I guess that’s what wives are for.  Hahahaha.  Wow, that sounds messed up.  But when I find the woman that I want to marry, I’m sure she’ll be semi-decent looking when we get older.  I hope my future wife isn’t somehow reading this.  If you are, I’m sorry hon, I didn’t mean it.  You’re beautiful in every way.  I think your wrinkles are the cutest wrinkles I’ve ever seen…

Growing up is exciting/scary.  The older I get, the more responsibility I have, and I’m not sure if I want it/am ready for it.  I am still stuck in high school/college mode and I need to learn to transition from it.  That’s what I’m going to try and make 23.  A time of transitions.  There are a lot of things I want to get done that I really need to commit to if I want to see results.  New year, new leaves…

I think that’s all for now.

Thanks for reading.

-The Happy Mechanic


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