Patrick’s Wardrobe

Last week, I cut my finger on the pit of a peach. I’m sure there are dumber ways get to get hurt, but having to wear a band-aid from a fruit-induced cut seriously made me reconsider what I was putting in my salads…

I’d hand over my Man Card, but I think I lost it a couple years ago.

I realized that I have a terrible case of first world problems. I get mad at stupid things like Nikki Minaj and unnecessary hashtags #thisisprobablythewrongforum. I’m pretty sure I’ve indulged in one of those things at least once, but like Ne-yo songs, once it’s butchered, it becomes terrible.

I think there are 5 stages of liking something that becomes popular:
1). You hear it and think it’s cool
2). Everyone else starts talking about it 2 months after you heard about it
3). It gets played out and you hate it
4). Someone remixes it
4). It slowly goes away, and then, for some reason, you see it on shirts sold at Spencers.


I’ve had a lot of trouble with clothes and just fashion in general. Lately, I’ve been trying to update my wardrobe, so I’ve been buying a few things that should have probably been replaced a few years ago. Like dress socks. I bought a 3-pair from Target a couple weeks ago, and they were held together with like 30 little pieces of plastic. I figured ripping them apart like I had done in the past would create holes in them, so I decided to cut the little pieces of plastic with scissors instead. But during the process, I got so frustrated that I accidentally caught a piece of sock with the little piece of plastic, making a hole that I was trying to avoid. Can’t wait until that little guy turns into a problem…

Two weeks ago, I bought some button-down (button-up?) shirts online. I got them today and figured that I’d try them on. For some reason, I didn’t think about checking them to make sure they were unbuttoned correctly before I tried them on. The last shirt ended up being buttoned all the way to the top, so I looked like a 5-year-old dressing myself. Instead of taking the logical approach and taking it off, I just decided to unbutton it while it was over my face, and ended up punching myself in the face trying to undo the button. That’s why that shirt is in a ball on the floor and I’m writing this post with a beer.

Since it’s St. Patrick’s Day this weekend (yea, it’s already mid-March), and I’m in my March of Rhymes, I figured this was appropriate.

Long Day. Long Week. Long Month. It stunk
All can be forgotten when you’re one drink drunk

The shot in the Car Bomb startes with a “clunk”
Guess that’s what happens you’re two drinks drunk

Of all the dudes in herre, I’m defintly a hunk
That’s a no brainer When you’r three drink drunkk

I’ve now created my own dnace floor; feelin da funk
Things get silly wHen ur 4 driks drunk

All of my thoughts r as gret as I THINK
Im always the smartest Wen Im 5 drunks drink

Qit spinning, stupid room. Im statring to feel sick
Switching 2 tequila was a bad #6.

Oooooookkkk, I need to leave or else find a bucket
But I had gret efffin time, so suck it.

It’s been a long week.

Thanks for reading.

– James and the Giant Meme


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