Running Through Disneyland

The difference between a crazy eye and a lazy eye is that one does way more work.

This will be the only random observation of the post.  There will be more to come, but I have a lot on my mind and this one needed to come out.  If weird, one-liners is you’ve come for, that’s all you’re going to get.  Suck it…

I was watching TV and I saw a Disneyland commercial came on.  It was about parents telling their kids that they were going to Disneyland.  That’s probably the one thing that you could tell any kid that makes them absolutely freak out.  Lose-your-mind happy.  To say I have been freak out happy lately would be a lie.  I can’t remember the last time I was as excited about anything as much as a kid is excited to see Mickey Mouse.

Life sucks right now.  I know that overall, it doesn’t, but that’s what’s going through  my head.  I wonder if this is supposed to happen.  I’m supposed to not like the place where I’m at and be frustrated all the time.  Hate where I’m at but have to take it because my only other option is homelessness in loser town.  My pride won’t let me get there, but my heart hates my pride.  In my mind, money won’t allow me to change where I’m at right now.  I’m financially bound to the worst four letter word in my life…debt.  Thanks, college, for giving me a false start to the rest of my life and leaving me in a wake of loans.  Now I have to swim out of it and find a boat that I can claim as my “dream job.”  The crappy thing is, I have no idea what boat I’m looking for.  I just want a big one that gives me a lot of money.  But right now, all I have is a life vest, and I’m getting tired of swimming.  I wish I could find someone or something to help me out, but I have a feeling that I’m just going to need to use the resources I have and work on my backstroke.

What a long, drawn-out metaphor.  I hate swimming.  Enough of this.

I only know a few people that are happy with where they are at.  I don’t know when all of this gets figured out, but I hope this feeling doesn’t stop because I accept that it’s always going to be like this.  I hope that I am not meant to live a life of accepted mediocrity and underachievement.  What if your life was just one big underachievement?  “I could have done so much more.”  There are a few things that I wish I had tried harder at, but thinking of the big picture, I’m glad I’m feeling this now and not on my deathbed.

If life is a marathon, I hope I have hit mile 10 and not mile 20.  And if there is more to come, I hope I have the endurance to get there.

Thanks for reading, runners.  Stay with me.

– The Swimmer


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