Facebook is like a terrible girlfriend that isn’t good for you at all. She always wants to know what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, and what you “like.” She wants you to “check in” and find out where you are. She gossips and tells you what everyone is doing and when people are dating or broken up. She suggests that you be friends with people you don’t like. She makes it hard to focus at work or in school. She keeps you up longer than you should. But in the end, you just can’t get enough…
O, the drug that is social media. I need a shot of Facebook with a 12 oz Stalker Lite. You know what…make that a 20 oz…
It’s crazy how many people think being friends on Facebook means so much. Being my friend on Facebook validates our friendship. If you’re not my friend on Facebook, then you’re not my friend in real life, and therefore, don’t deserve to see any of my really awesome posts about what I did today that I share with 360 of my BEST friends…
I blame social media for the word “Epic.” Every time someone says the word “epic,” I secretly want to punch them in the mouth.
“If there was a more epic word than epic to use right now, I would epically epic epic…”
A 5 overtime playoff game is epic. A 6 hour tennis match is epic. Your Friday night of beer pong…not epic.
This Monday, I was exiting the freeway and started to roll down my window. By the time I came to the stop, I was first in line at the intersection and a homeless guy was sitting right next to me holding a sign asking for change. Unfortunately, Jay-Z’s “Hard Knock Life” was playing super loud at that exact same time. Then I thought, “If there’s anytime someone did NOT want to have a soundtrack for their current situation, it’s at this very moment.” Sorry, homeless guy. I’d give you a couple bucks if I didn’t spend it on a Del Taco burrito last night…
I just turned off my computer because there was a freakin ant on my power button and the anger of seeing that ant came over me before common sense kicked in. Thank you, Bill Gates, for creating an autosave feature in Word.
I just moved into a new place and I have a serious ant problem. Stupid ants.
Problems are like ants. It doesn’t matter how many you smash, there’s still like 30 more lurking around the corner.
Anger is like a crying baby. You can’t just ignore it or just let it go or not deal with it. It has to be addressed and resolved. When you don’t do it, it stays in you and affects the way you act. You suppress it, but it seeps out of you whether you like it or not. It’s like putting a dirty-ass sock under a couch cushion. See how long people will tolerate sitting with you, you smelly ass sock…
I think this post was supposed to come out a lot nicer than it is, but those freakin ants just killed it. Next time, (hopefully next week), I will be much happier.
Thanks for reading.
– The Smelly Sock
