I think about my unused tools
lacking use, until
I start to wonder if they’re unused
because I lack the skill
An unused knife will dull and an unworn watch will stop. At the same time, if you use a knife all the time, it’ll also get dull so…there.
This is a drawn out analogy about my writing journey for the past 5 1/2 years. I haven’t written in years because of other priorities I set in my life (some good some bad). And honestly, I just kind of lost the desire. I’m aware that I have a personal limitation that prevents me from doing something if I don’t think I’m going to do it well. That spans anywhere from recreational writing to reaching out to a friend with words of comfort. Even writing this now, I can tell it’s not as easy or as good as what I used to produce.
My writing tool is not nearly as sharp as it once was, so I’m just trying to use it again. Same goes for my creativity. I used to use the two together like… a fork and knife? Just…give me a second.
It’s like riding a bike or like swinging a baseball bat again. Parts of it seem familiar, but most of the time, I’m just wondering why it’s not as easy as it once was.
When I’m honest with myself, I am aware that things have changed. I feel like the space in my brain has gotten bigger and not in a good way. Like there is room to learn and store my items, but really, it just feels more empty. What I think has happened is that it’s the same size, but the contents inside have slowly condensed and lost a lot of their detail, and I’ve been filling that extra space with easy-to-consume media. It’s like a pumpkin that’s been put into a box, and then you open that box later to see a big ‘ol sloppy pile of squashy goop. And the same thing that causes that pumpkin to decompose is the same that’s caused my brain tools to diminish – time.
Now that I’m older than I was before, I’ve been thinking about the quality of life both present and future and whether I’m setting myself up for success. There are changes that I want to make to improve both, and one of them is writing.
I’m hoping that if I just use my tools more, I’m more likely to to maintain and care for them.
Thanks for reading
– Pumpkin Head
