Back at it – pt 2

Where do I even begin? This isn’t exactly like riding a bike again because riding a bike would probably be easier.

It’s not necessarily the act of writing that feels so unfamiliar, because I write emails all day at work.

But those messages are out of necessity and not out of a desire to flex some creativity. Like I’ll walk up a flight of stairs to get to my front door, and that’s because there is purpose in that action. I need to get into my apartment, therefore, I must walk up these stairs. There’s a tangible end goal. There is purpose in walking up those stairs. But when you strip necessity out of an action, then you rely on some other kind of motivation, and that’s why I’m not doing stadium runs on Saturday mornings. I’m aware of the immediate and the long term result. The long term result is better health and a killer butt. But the immediate result is a lot of sweat and soreness and I don’t want any of that. I WANT that long term result and that feeling of accomplishment, but I don’t NEED to run stairs. That’s kind of like creative writing for me.

Stumbled across this looking for those stairs…

I think it came down to a lack of motivation and purpose. Both of those were lost. I had the desire to write because I liked the process and the long term results. But I didn’t have the motivation to write, and when I that motivation showed it’s oddly-shaped head, I didn’t know why I wanted to do it. I wrote a lot before because I really enjoyed it and I used it as a means of therapy. I was constantly trying to figure out why a lot of things happened/were happening, and I sorted through those thoughts by writing them down. But things are a little clearer now, and when I didn’t have as much to sort through, I kind of figured that writing didn’t really have a purpose anymore. Writing seemed forced, and if it wasn’t thoughtful or full of interesting content, then why write at all?

But the more dumps I took, the more I thought about how the tone of my writing could (and should) change. I could change that from discovery to education. It was a different kind of curiosity. I’m mentally in a much different place than I was a couple of years ago, so it wouldn’t make sense to keep writing about the same subject matter. And for a while I thought I was moving away from my wheelhouse, and it wouldn’t be as fulfilling. But I never gave it a shot. Well this is that shot.

So I’m back. Again. And I got new server location and a make over thanks to my guy Tony. And I’m taking a new direction. I’m like that show that keeps coming back on and you keep thinking, “Wtf, they’re still making new episodes? Why do they keep doing that?” I am the Honey Boo Boo of Blogs.

Thanks for reading.

– Honey Boo Stairs

hirachi

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