There was a lot of directions I was going to take this next blog post. For the past couple of weeks, I had it in mind to lay out this elaborate bitchfest about how I was frustrated with life. Even though I told myself it wasn’t to gain pity or sympathy, I think it was basically an exasperated cry that screamed, “Hey, everyone…look how miserable I am. Feel crappy about how crappy I feel.”
Lately, I’ve been holding in a quiet anger. A lot of people are going through some tough times right now, and I think I was overextending myself trying to make them feel better. I felt like I had a personal obligation to get them out of their funk and the entire time, I just ignored mine. I would have daydreams about me standing up for myself to the people who I felt were pushing me down. They would try to interrupt me but I gave one of those Denzel speeches which left people with the realization that my approach was not only warranted and completely appropriate, but that I was moving on to a better situation. I did this with both current and past problems. I was the Hulk of emotions and became very there-is-no-hope-esque. When you don’t have something or someone to distract you, you can inflict a lot of damage to your self-esteem. You start not wanting to wake up and to just seclude yourself.
I feel like that came out very suicidey, and that’s not what really the feel that I was going for. But while the mind is a terrible thing to waste, it’s a dangerous thing to use.
All I could think about was how terrible things were. Like Justin Bieber. You’re a skinny, white kid. You grew up in Canada. Do you know he says the word “Swaggy” in his new song? Wtf does that even mean?
Then I took a shower and started thinking about things.
Not like I only took a shower tonight and that’s the first time I had taken a shower for weeks. Please don’t think I’m less hygienic than I already am.
I started to realize that I wasn’t unhappy with myself, I was just unhappy about the rut that I’m in. I’m 90% satisfied with who I am as a person and 50% happy with where I am in life. And I realized it’s important to keep those things separate. I still have good friends and a good life. Everyday this week has been incredible. If you take 5 seconds out of your day to look up at the sky and take a deep breath, you’ll know what I mean.
I realized how important it is to have something to look forward to. Your day could be incredibly crappy, but if you have something great to go home to, you should focus on how lucky you are to have that. Personal growth is incredibly important, but things are easier when you have a solid support system to lift you up. Physical touch is extremely important to me. It’s crazy how much emotion can be communicated through touch. I think that’s why people love hugs so much. Kissing is great, but it’s kind of weird when you think about it. Do you ever wonder why, when you want to show something how much you love it, you put your lips on it? It’s more of a reaction than a decision. Anyways…
The greatest thing about love is that there is no other feeling that you will ever have that can equal its intensity. And the greatest thing about touch is that you don’t need words to convey that feeling. If there is someone in your life that makes you feel that way, be sure to reach out and touch them.
That’s all for tonight. I’m going to head to a bar and touch some friends.
Thanks for reading
– The Hulk of Love