The Worst Four-Letter Word

Fuck love.  Seriously, what a terrible, heart-wrenching emotion.  I’m starting to think that the person who said “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” was a lonely loser who never experienced what it was like to have their heart broken by someone that they poured their heart out for.  The only person you can trust with your heart is you and that’s basically how it has to be.  You get hurt so that you can learn that lesson the hard way.  And the people that find what they are really looking for can kiss my ass.  Long term relationships are for people who can’t find anyone better than the one they have right in front of them, and if they say different, it’s because they’ve never had anyone take a giant dump on them.

Seriously, what a big heap of horse shit it all is.  You have to be selfish with your love, because the  minute you give someone a little bit, you give them a chance to stomp on you.  That’s why I’ve learned to guard my heart.  No one gives anything without wanting something in return and that’s how it has to be.  You’ll eventually find yourself giving your love to someone who doesn’t deserve it, respect you, or care the same way you do.  You have to take what you can get and fend off the feelings of love, because connecting with someone leads to disaster.

I’ve realized when girls meet me for the first time, they usually seem somewhat interested.  But the minute I start to get invested and try to learn about them, I think I make them feel awkward.  I always try to get things out of people.  Not just the what they are doing, but why they are doing it.  Not just what they like, but why they like it.  And people are genuinely weirded out by that.  I conduct mini-interviews, and it creeps people out.  That’s why I’ve determined that I have to become an asshole, not care about the other person and not let them see any part who I really am and how I work.  Because that’s what people are most comfortable with.  I can get a lot further with a girl through a text message that compliments their looks than I can over 3 beers and an hour conversation about themselves.  I just Katie Couric the shit outta them, and I think girls genuinely hate it.

I can’t help it though.  I hate small talk.  That’s why I never ask how someone is doing if I don’t really know them.  Because honestly, I know they’re just going to say “I’m good, and you?”  What a piece of crap.  They could be having the worst day ever, but they’ll say that because they don’t know me and that’s how you’re supposed to answer.  So I don’t want to ask them if they’re just going to lie to me.  What if they asked “How are you doing today?” and I said, “honestly, my aunt just past away and I’m having a really hard time with it,” what do you think they’re gonna say?  I might as well fart in an elevator, cause it’s not going to get any more awkward than that…

But connecting is what makes us feel like we’re important.  Even if you only have 2 close friends, you know that those friends will take you farther than “I’m sorry, that really sucks.”  They’ll want to know why, and because of that, you’re invested and tied together with them.  And that’s what’s so great about close, good friends.  The difference between a good friend and a great friend is the time and emotion that they give you.  A good friend will want to know if you’re well, but a great friend will want to know why you are doing so well.

It’s pretty amazing how much your presence can influence how someone feels.  Easter was a great time and just talking to my grand aunt, it seems like she was genuinely glad I was there talking to her.  And all I had to do was show up.  I didn’t bring food, compliment her or give her a gift.  I just talked to her, asked her how she was really doing, and she was happy.

So why does love suck so much?  Because of how good it can make you feel.  We would never know what hot felt like if we didn’t feel cold.  The bad times can be so bad because the good times can be so good.  And that’s what makes love so great.

You know…you should wear your heart on your sleeve.  You’re gonna meet a thousand people in your lifetime that won’t go any farther than asking “How are you.”  But out of those thousand people, you’re going to find a handful that actually care.  And ultimately…that’s what is most important.  People come in and out of your life and you’re going to be let down, disappointed, and heart broken because of it.  But eventually, you’ll find someone that reminds you that you are a great person and gives you a strong, sincere hug because of it.  And those are the people that remind you how great love is.

And that’s why I love LOVE 🙂

Thanks for reading

– Katie Couric


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