Tongue-Tied Titles

There’s a lot of positive things I have to say, but I’ll start off by continuing with the negative.

I hate people that correct you and make them say that they’re a Doctor.  “Mr. Thompson, I was wondering…”  “Uh, that’s Dr. Thompson, thank you very much.  I didn’t suffer through 8 years of higher education to not be called Doctor.”  Well for fucks sake, I hope you went through those 8 years in order to learn how to better the lives around you, you narcissistic asshole.  Get over yourself.  It makes me want to say “O, you mean like Dr. Dre?  Or Dr. Who?”

To quote the great John Wooden, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

If you define yourself by your title, then that’s all you’ll be remembered as: a title.  Never in my life would I want to be known as an entity.  I want to be known as a person.  I don’t care what you call me.  Just as long as it’s out of endearment and not a crappy nickname.

Life is not a beauty contest.  If you treat it as such, you’ll always be second place.  If your looks don’t take 2nd, then your self-conscious, insecure personality will.

And now for something completely different…

These quick, slick rhymes and pick up lines
can only go so far
Armed with student loan-bought vodka shots
trolling at the bar
But cute and smart with tons of heart
fills me full of dread
And listless lungs leave twisted tongues
with words best left unsaid
So I’ll pass love for the instance above
and now I’m left with what?
No alcohol or number to call
And all cuz she had a nice butt.
But tonight, once again, around a quarter to 10
I’ll play this dumb game once more
And I’ll buy a drink for a woman I think
Was probably like the one before

This week has been tough.  Lots of internal turmoil, restless nights and wondering if I’m making the right decisions on a daily basis.  I’ve seconded guessed perceptions and priorities.  But then there are birthday lunches for 91-year-old family members that make me second guess my second guesses.

This past weekend, I helped my grand aunt celebrate her birthday at a Chinese buffet.  If you have any racial comments, I’ll wait…
You done?  Ok, I’ll continue.

At the end of dinner, she stood up she made a little speech.

“Has everyone had enough to eat?  Ok good.  Well, I don’t know what it’s like to be 91, but I do know what it’s like to have good family.  Thank you all for coming out today and celebrating with me.  And because of that, lunch is on me.”

That was followed by a chorus of “No way!!!” and one “You’ve gotta be kidding me!  This woman is crazy” (take it easy, grandma…that’s your sister).

Then she proceeded to pass out boxes of Sees candies.  And that’s what life is: celebrating the lives that have made your life what it is.  No titles, no pick up lines, no beauty contests.  Just laughter and Chinese food in bulk.

Thanks for reading, my lo meins and lo womeins.

– Dr. Sweet and Sour Seuss


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